putting the pieces back together? Am I?

Is it worth it to put the pieces back together? Is it? Why would I do it if there is nothing to motivate me to do it? Why would I fix something that causes me so much pain? So the question is... am I really putting back the pieces together as I think I am? Or am I smashing the pieces into dust? Why take the effort to fix something that doesn't bring happines? It may for a couple of months or weeks or trick you to think that it will be a happiness for ever? But isn't the pain harder to handle than the joy one has for only couple of days? I know that we should see the things in a positive side, and I AM! believe me, I am. I've learned and I will be better.... but the pain is there... even though Im making sure my feelings right now are locked away... it still hurts... a lot! I don't show it at all, but how can I burn the pain inside? How can I make it go away if it's ever present there. Why would I want that pain to come back again? What if I put the pieces back together and it's in vain? Wouldn't be easier to just leave the pieces be pieces and live with that? and love with only pieces?

I know... first negative post! But I realized that things hurt more than I thought they did. It hurts! and I'm sad! I dont like those feelings to come to me, because they are not beneficial for me, they put me down, and I dont want to be there again... but I'm figthing! Believe me that I'm fighting... but there are some days that I can't and my happines is fake! What to do in these cases? Is putting back the pieces together even worth it? Am I actually doing that? Am I putting the pieces back together? Or am I pretending there is not even a piece to fix because there is nothing there? What is going on with me?  Am I willing to have my heart broken in pieces one more time? Am I? AM I? Would I be capable of healing again? BUT healing right? And not like those wounds that don't close well and then there is a huge scar there... Would I be capable to handle something like this one more time? Am I willing to do it? Am I?

THAT IS THE QUESTION.

GN

Cosas por las que estoy agradecida hoy

1) Por tener el evangelio en mi vida y saber sobre el plan de salvacion

2) Por saber que el Senior no me abandona... nunca!

3) Por aquellas personas de nuestro pasado que, a pesar de haber hecho tanto danio, estan ahi para ayudarnos a salir adelante.